


mr. steal yo man

by saintjoy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, Lev is oblivious as fuck, M/M, Social Anxiety, Texting, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 22:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4409834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lev's got it bad for Kenma. Unfortunately, he's already got one hell of a boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mr. steal yo man

“Hey,” Kenma mumbled, not looking up from his phone. “I think Lev might be flirting with me.”

 

Kuroo opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. The arm on one end of the couch dug into his lower back, and, with his legs strewn across Kenma’s lap, his feet dangled off the other end. The television displayed the humming home screen of one of Kenma’s several gaming systems. He must’ve stopped playing some twenty or thirty minutes ago, while Kuroo was still napping the day away. He lifted his hand to his chin and wiped away the crusty drool at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Was I snoring?” Kuroo asked.

“A bit. It’s better than you used to be,” Kenma replied. “Maybe you should sleep on the couch more often.”

“ _Heeeey._ Don’t be mean.” Kuroo lifted his foot to Kenma’s nose and tried to flick it with his big toe, but Kenma slapped him away. “So what’s this about Lev flirting with you?”

Kenma shrugged. “I don’t know. It feels like it.”

“What makes you think that?”

Kenma closed a few applications on his phone before handing it over to Kuroo for examination. His messages were open, with Lev’s name listed at the top as ‘Lousy Receiver.’

 

> hey kenma! would you like to hang out this weekend?? i don’t think we have practice and i know you don’t really do much other than play video games so it’ll be fun!

 

“Aw, how cute,” Kuroo remarked. “I think he just admires you. I mean, not that I blame him. There’s a lot to admire.” He succeeded in poking Kenma’s nose with his toe and laughed at his victory.

“Wash your feet if you’re going to do that.” Kenma pulled his phone out of Kuroo’s hands and closed out the messaging app. 

“You’re not gonna text him back?”

“I already have a boyfriend.” He aimed Kuroo a pointed look. “In case you forgot.”

“Oh, _right,_ what a thing to let slip from my mind.” Kuroo scooted forward and draped his arms around Kenma’s shoulders. He planted a kiss to the side of his neck that made him fumble in his game, causing a mildly frustrated grunt in response. “I don’t think it’s a romantic thing, but either way, you should let him know you don’t want to go. Otherwise he’ll just pester you about it during practice.”

“He’ll pester me anyway.”

“Worth a try.”

 

After another kiss to the neck, Kenma sighed and handed his phone back to Kuroo. “If you think it’s that important, you reply.”

Kuroo smirked. “Oh, gladly.”

 

> Sorry, I’m hanging out with my hot boyfriend this weekend. His name is Kuroo Tetsurou. You know, the captain of the Nekoma VBC? He’s my boyfriend. And he’s really hot. And I’m gonna spend my weekend making out with him. Some other time, though? 

 

“What are you writing.” 

Kuroo locked the phone and slid it onto the coffee table before Kenma could look. “Just telling him that you’re busy.”

“With what?”

 

Kenma let out a soft moan through his nose as Kuroo peppered more kisses down his neck, a hand coming up to sift through his soft locks of hair. Kuroo teethed the lobe of his ear and tugged just enough to evoke a reaction, just enough to get Kenma going. The couch creaked under their shifting weights, and within a few minutes, Kuroo had tucked himself into Kenma’s lap and began busying himself by trailing his hands down his sides. 

 

He grinned against Kenma’s skin and muttered, “This.”

“Ugh,” Kenma rolled his eyes, “I can’t believe you.”

 

Sometime later, when neither of them were paying much attention at all, Kenma’s phone buzzed again.

 

> hahaha, is that you kuroo-senpai? usually kenma doesn’t say that much in one text, or ever! funny joke though, i laughed a bunch!! if you can, please ask kenma if he would like to hang out this weekend! thank you very much!

 

❖ ❖ ❖

 

“Please toss to me today, Kenma!”

 

Kenma grimaced, glaring at Kuroo out of the corner of his eye –  _I told you he’d pester me anyway, you jackass._ Kuroo only offered him a playful thumbs up in return, hanging him out to dry in the hurricane that was Lev Haiba. It was too early in the morning for him to start warming up for practice, let alone deal with someone who had half the energy that Lev did. He took out his phone and pretended it was the most interesting thing in the world, with the hopes that Lev would get the picture that he was _not interested._

 

“No thanks,” he mumbled. “And you’re being awfully familiar with someone older than you.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Lev clapped his hands together and bowed his head. “Would Kozume-senpai be better?”

“That’s too formal.”

“Kenma-senpai?”

“Still weird.”

“Kozume-kun?”

“Ugh.” Kenma put his phone back into his pocket and started migrating toward Kuroo, only to watch him move onto the court and start practicing with the other underclassmen. _No escape._ The bastard was doing this on purpose. Submitting to his fate, Kenma turned back around to face Lev head-on. “Just call me Kenma. I don’t really care.”

Lev smiled. “Okay, Kenma! Will you toss to me now?”

“No.” His eyes wandered toward the clock on the wall. He had an hour and a half until classes began. An hour and a half to spend avoiding Lev. If there was a god, Kenma was sure he was out to get him. “You need to practice more. It’s useless tossing to you when you always miss.”

“I practice best when you’re tossing to me, though!” Lev insisted. He edged into Kenma’s bubble of personal space, unwittingly using his height to his tactical advantage. His gangly limbs could ensnare Kenma in a hug within half a second, if that was his angle. “Please, Kenma, _please!_ ” 

Kenma took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest. _Fuck his life._ “ _Fine,_ I’ll send you a few tosses when we start drilling. Don’t mess it up.”

The grin on Lev’s face split two inches wider as he bounced up and down. “Thank you! I will not forget this, Kenma!” He paused for a moment, the gears in his mind turning in recollection. “Oh, that reminds me! Did Kuroo-senpai pass on my message to you?”

“Message?” He hadn’t bothered to check his texts with Lev from yesterday evening, and at that moment he never regretted it more. “What message?”

“If you wanted to hang out this weekend, of course! I think Kuroo-senpai somehow got ahold of your cellphone and texted me back instead of you!” Lev said with a laugh. “He’s really funny! For a moment I didn’t know whether to take him seriously or not. I figured it was a joke though, so I wanted to ask you in person. Do you want to hang out this weekend?”

 

The look of anticipation on Lev’s face would have made a weaker man swoon. His eyes were piercing and his hands were curled into eager fists that, when paired with his stance on the balls of his feet, made him look like a cat. The fact that he only seemed to blink once every minute or so didn’t take away from the resemblance.

_Was he just dense?_ Kenma closed his eyes and walked away. “No.”

“Aw, Kenma–!” 

“Hey, Lev!” From across the court, Kuroo served a volleyball to the back of Lev’s head, finally coming to Kenma’s rescue. “Start your warmup!”

 

❖ ❖ ❖

 

“You suck,” Kenma grumbled. 

“ _And_ I swallow. You just have the whole package here, don’t you?” Kuroo replied, pinching Kenma’s cheek. “I think it’s cute. Reminds me of when you were a first year.”

“I was _nothing_ like that last year.” He reached for Kuroo’s milk and sipped through the straw. “And saying that makes you sound like an old man.”

“Ack,” Kuroo took a bite of Kenma’s sandwich, “I should tone it down then. I haven’t graduated yet.”

“What should I do?”

“About Lev? Just leave it. He doesn’t come off as a guy who’d have ill intentions. And it’s not like I couldn’t handle him if things went awry.”

Kenma forced himself to keep a straight face as laughter tickled his cheeks. “I dunno. He’s got three inches on you. And he’s probably heavier, too.”

“Geez, should I be worried?” Kuroo snorted, wrapping an arm around Kenma’s shoulders. “I could still take him on. If it was to defend my honor.”

A chuckle burst through Kenma’s lips before he could stop himself. “Your ‘honor’ being me?”

Kuroo leaned into him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You, and my role as captain. Can’t have some newbie overthrowing me and stealing my man, right?”

“You sound stupid.” Kenma leaned his head against Kuroo’s shoulder, letting his eyelids flutter shut. The breeze coming in through the classroom window played with his hair and danced with the loose sleeves of his uniform. With that and Kuroo’s intoxicating warmth, Kenma found himself dozing off.

 

❖ ❖ ❖

 

When Kenma’s phone buzzed for the fifth time since he started his homework, he figured that there was no way ignoring was going to work. He glanced at the screen and tightened his lips at Lev’s pseudonym of ‘Lousy Receiver.’ Curse Kuroo and his “team-building” exercises. Kenma should’ve known it was just his way of trying to get him to socialize with the team more.

 

> hi kenma!!

> kenma, are you busy right now?

> i am so bored! i have been trying to do homework for over an hour but i can’t seem to focus on it!

> it felt so good when i was able to spike your tosses!

> kenmaaaaaaa are you there!!!

 

Kenma furrowed his eyebrows and typed out a two-word reply.

 

> im busy.

 

Before he put his phone back down, it buzzed in his hand.

 

> oh, sorry!! what are you busy with?

 

> homework.

 

> hahaha, same! before, at least! right now i’m watching television. there’s a men’s v. premier league game on!! do you want to watch?

 

> no thanks. 

 

> it’s really interesting!! i wonder if the panasonic panthers are going to win this set…!!!

 

This wasn’t going anywhere.

 

> what do you want, lev?

 

> what?? nothing really!! just wondering if you’d want to do something fun, other than video games! maybe it’ll get you more pumped about volleyball so you’d want to practice more?

 

> are you saying im not good enough.

 

> NO!!! that wasn’t my intent at all, kenma!! i just thought it could be something fun to do together! we could skype or something and watch side by side is what i was thinking! or you could come over? i’m really sorry, i didn’t mean to offend you!!

 

Kenma frowned at his phone and opened up a conversation with Kuroo. Lev could wait for a few minutes while he consulted somebody who had more tact.

 

> kuroo. this is getting out of hand.

 

> What is, Kenma?

 

He flipped to his conversation with Lev, took screenshots of their most recent exchanges, and sent them Kuroo’s way. The few minutes it took for Kuroo to respond surely brought up his blood pressure by several points.

 

> Hehehe. Aw. He’s so desperate. He must really like you.

 

> why. why me.

 

> Well, you’re talented, cute, and hard to get. A deadly combination. You’re like catnip to him.

 

> this is not the time for puns, kuroo. i just want him to leave me alone.

 

> Let him down easy, then. Just say, “Sorry, Lev, I’m already dating somebody,” and leave it at that.

 

It seemed easy enough. That’d be blunt enough to get it through his thick skull, right? But… despite how sure Kenma was of Lev’s feelings, a nagging voice at the back of his mind insisted otherwise.

 

> what if he’s really just being friendly. and i come off as vain for thinking he had a romantic interest in me? what would i do then?

 

> Well, then you just have one less thing to worry about. Knowing him, he wouldn’t think that far. He’s gonna laugh it off either way. And hey, once you get past this you can actually make friends with him.

 

> okay.

 

Kenma switched back to his conversation with Lev, his thumbs frozen over the keyboard. He tapped his foot against the floor and chewed the inside of his cheek. _What were words, again?_ As much as he tried not to care about what his teammates thought of him, the mere prospect of causing a fuss made his heart tremble in unadulterated fright. He wished Kuroo was there to text Lev instead, even if he’d send something incriminating. 

 

He took a deep breath and typed out a response.

 

> im okay. dont worry about it. i have to go. talk to you later.

 

He thudded his head against his desk. _Damn it all._

 

❖ ❖ ❖

 

“Ready!” 

 

Coach Nekomata blew his whistle and Kuroo set the ball into the air. Kenma watched Lev run forward while tracking the volleyball in his peripherals, and tossed it at the optimal height. He’d gotten used to Lev’s jump height and arm span, and yet… the ball bounced off Lev’s shoulder and landed beneath his feet.

 

“One more, please!” Lev exclaimed, looking Kenma in the eyes. “And possibly a little higher!”

“Don’t jump so close to the net,” Kenma replied. “I can’t toss that close. A blocker would grab it before you got the chance to spike it.”

“Ah! Okay!” Lev gave him a thumbs up before returning to his starting position

 

Kenma glanced at Kuroo, and got one of his half-lidded smiles in return. _Unhelpful bastard._  

 

The whistle blew and Kuroo sent another ball into the air. Lev’s start was slower this time – Kenma bent his arms and tapped the ball with less strength, giving it a slight spin before it reached Lev’s hand. Lev whipped his arm back, and the satisfying sound of skin against vinyl reached his ears. The ball itself, however, skyrocketed across the opposite court and hit the back wall of the gym. 

 

Kuroo clapped. “Nice one, Lev! A little less power next time.”

Lev grinned and clenched his fists in excitement. “Okay!” He turned to Kenma again, his cheeks flushing from… what? Exertion? Attraction? Trying to analyze this crap was exhausting. “Kenma, that toss was perfect! Please give me another one like that!”

“Alright,” Kenma muttered. “Start the same way you did with the last one. If you go too fast, you’ll miss it.”

“I understand! Thank you!”

 

Kenma wondered exactly how Lev could retain so much energy, when it had only been half an hour of practice and Kenma was already tired.

 

Another whistle blow, and another ball in the air. Kenma swore under his breath when Lev started moving too soon, but he compensated by putting more force into his toss than before. With the extra push, it should get there right on the mark… Lev leapt into the air, and Kenma watched as the ball gravitated to him like it belonged there. 

 

A loud smack, and the spike hit the opposite court, dead-center. 

 

Lev erupted in a chorus of hoots and cheers, jumping up and down from sheer excitement. Therest of the team joined him, Kuroo especially: Kenma knew that more than anything else, Kuroovalued the improvement of his teammates. A small grin rose to his lips as Lev approached him with his infectious smile.

 

“Did you see that, Kenma!? I spiked it right in the center!”

“Yeah,” Kenma said. “Well done.”

From the look that spread on Lev’s face, Kenma might as well have told him that he’d won a gold medal in the Olympics. “Thank you, Kenma! I’m so happy that you are able to recognize my talent now! Truly, the _ace_ is awakening more, day by day!”

“Oy, don’t get ahead of yourself, Haiba!” came Yamamoto’s piercing voice from across the gym. “For every good spike you get, I’ve already gotten ten of them!”

“Don’t worry, I will surpass you!”

“‘Don’t worry’ – like I’d worry about someone like you!” 

 

As chaos broke out around him, Kenma stared off into nothingness. He watched the volleyball roll off the court and come to a stop at another teammate’s feet. His teammate turn toward Kuroo and hurled it over the net with ease. In another corner of the gym, Yaku was busy training the team’s next libero with receive practice. The ball bounced between them back and forth, back and forth, back and forth – 

 

Then all Kenma could see was Lev’s face, eyes closed and lips pressing against his.

 

_What the hell!?_

 

Kenma thrust his hands out and fell backward onto the floor, scrambling to get away from Lev as fast as possible. He scrubbed at his lips with the back of his hand and glared up at Lev, who seemed completely clueless to what he just _did._ Blood was rushing in Kenma’s ears and filling up his cheeks and his eyes darted around with the hope that someone would _help him with this, please?_

 

“Aaaaaaalright. Playtime’s over.” _Oh thank god._ All eyes were on Kuroo as he grabbed Lev by the collar of his jersey and pulled him around to face him head-on. Despite the height difference, the air around Kuroo was dense with unadulterated displeasure. He forced a smile – it sent a shiver down Kenma’s spine – and clapped his hand on Lev’s shoulder. “Listen. Kiddo. Kenma – already taken. By me. Don’t know if you got that message, but you’re getting it now. He’s not available.”

 

An uncomfortable silence fell over the court. Lev blinked, and Kuroo remained unmoved. Kenma pursed his lips together, gripping onto the hem of his jersey, and prayed to whatever god brought this upon him that he wouldn’t become witness to a fistfight. Not that Kuroo was remotely violent, but it was apparent that Lev was a total wildcard.

 

Instead of a fist to Kuroo’s face, though, Lev slapped his hand over his own mouth and cried, “ _I am so sorry!_ ” 

 

Kuroo let go of Lev’s collar as the underclassman struggled to complied a coherent sentence. “I didn’t mean to– oh gosh I’m so– I thought it was just a _joke_ I didn’t understand– _please don’t kill me, Kuroo-senpai!”_ Were those _tears_ in his eyes? Geez, he really _was_ that oblivious. It almost reminded Kenma of Hinata.

Kuroo’s forced grin softened into a gentle smile as he pat Lev on the top of his head. “Just as long as we’re clear. Kenma’s off-limits. If you’re interested in an upperclassman, Yaku’s always available.”

“ _What did you just say, asshole!?_ ” 

“I’m doing you a favor!” 

 

Ignoring Yaku’s grousing (and Yamamoto’s subsequent howls of laughter), Kuroo took Lev by the arm and dragged him over to where Kenma was seated on the floor. He slapped Lev’s back and requested another apology on Kenma’s behalf.

“I am very sorry, Kenma!” Lev exclaimed with a reverent bow, ears as red as his uniform. “I misunderstood, it will not happen again!”

Kenma looked up at Kuroo, and got a look that screamed, _“Look at him he’s like a puppy,”_ in return. He shook his head and mouthed, _“I swear I’m gonna kick you,”_ before climbing to his feet.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, looking at the floor. “I wasn’t that clear, anyway.”

“Doesn’t matter!” Suddenly, Lev grabbed onto Kenma’s shoulders, but another kiss was (thankfully) not on the way. Kenma shifted his gaze to meet Lev’s. “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable! I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, but I understand if it does!”

“Stop yelling, it’s hurting my ears…”

Lev gave a firm nod before lowering his voice to a stage-whisper. “Okay! I will stop yelling!”

“Now that’s too quiet.”

“And _that’s_ Kenma’s way of saying, ‘Your apology is accepted,’” Kuroo supplied, tugging Lev away again by the back of his shirt. “Get back to practice, Haiba. Work on your receives with Kai.”

“Roger that!”

 

Once Lev vacated the premises, Kuroo stepped toward Kenma and hovered his hands over his shoulders. “Okay if I touch?”

Kenma sighed. “Yeah.” 

Kuroo rested his palms against him and rubbed his thumbs along the sides of his neck. The tension in his back eased away. “Sorry for not taking this more seriously.”

“It’s fine.”

“Is it fine, or are you just saying that?”

Rather than answer the question outright, Kenma leaned forward and pressed his forehead into Kuroo’s collarbone. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Kuroo pressed a kiss to the part of Kenma’s hair. “Good to go?”

_With Kuroo there, how could he not be?_ “I guess."

 

**Author's Note:**

> All of Haiba Lev's character could be summarized with a string of exclamation points. God, I love this oblivious idiot.
> 
> This marks 50 works in total that I've posted to AO3! According to my stats, that's a little over 240,000 words. 240K words of unadulterated homosexuality. Maybe I'll host a giveaway when I hit a kudos milestone or something...?????
> 
> Either way, thanks for reading! <333


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